Thank you all so much for your comments here, on facebook and instagram over the last week! We are absolutely over the moon, and it is incredibly touching to have this beautiful community behind us.
The last few months have been a roller coaster. I’m 18 weeks pregnant tomorrow and in some ways it seems like those weeks have flown by, but in the same breath, it feels like the last couple of months have inched by impossibly slowly. After losing our first baby, I have been extremely anxious this time around. When we found out I was pregnant and realised I’d be nine weeks along when we left for Europe, I was so stressed that something would go wrong while we were stranded on the other side of the world. Each day that passed uneventfully while we were away, I said a silent thank you to the universe. Up until a week or two ago I had quite a lot of morning sickness and fatigue, and as ridiculous as it may sound, I was so grateful for every moment of feeling ill or tired (even though it made for some interesting times while we travelled!) I had virtually no symptoms during my first pregnancy, so feeling unwell was strangely reassuring, especially while we were so far home.
Even since coming home and having a great scan, the anxiety hasn’t left me. I was so hesitant to share our news here, and even with our friends and family in real life, for fear of something going wrong. But I know from experience that if the worst were to happen, keeping it to ourselves would not make the pain any less. It also occurred to me the other day that no matter how scared I might be, I do not want to waste this fleeting, precious time feeling sad and worried. I want to start embracing this experience and celebrating this tiny life. I am so happy and so grateful to be carrying this little one. Such happiness deserves to be shared and cherished! I mustn’t let past hurts overshadow the joy of the present.
So, I’m trying to let go of fear and to surrender to the fact that so much of this experience is completely out of my hands. As a person with slightly control-freakish tendencies and a predisposition to worry, this has been a difficult lesson for me, but I’m working on it. I still don’t have complete faith that everything will be ok, but I accept that this is out of my control and my worrying won’t change anything. I trust that what is meant to be, will be, and I am full of hope.
So full of hope.
Thanks again for reading, friends. We are so grateful to have your support as we embark on this next part of our journey.